I have been married for eight-and-a-half years. In that time, I have been pregnant for 3 years and two months, nursing for four years and three month, and actively potty training for 7 months. I have changed roughly 22,700 diapers every day over the past six years and three months and I have been on less than ten childless dates in that same period of time. When laid out like this, it may seem like a good case for institutionalization, but these very facts put me in a unique, but not unpopulated group of parents known as “baby bunchers.”
It isn’t that I set out to become such a thinly-spread and busy keeper of what often more closely resembles a zoo than a home. In fact, before having my first child, my “plan” was to have an even number of children (two or four) roughly three years apart. Then, when my first- and, arguably, easiest- baby came along, I was instantly curious about the next. I was so in love with my baby and being a mother that I couldn’t keep myself from imagining how the second child would add to our family. How would (s)he get along with Scotty? What would it be like to balance two? How would his or her personality differ from Scotty’s? And so it came to pass that Claire was born 19 months after her brother, Daniel less than two years after that, and Andrew another 23 months later.
As I sit amid the rubble of a storm of little people and savor the precious few minutes of silence as everyone rests, I cannot help reflect on the benefits and downfalls of such a closely knit group.
The Ups and Downs of Baby Bunching:
1) The Age Gap
Up: The old cliche is true- you always have a friend in your brother/sister. With
playmates roughly the same age, there is always someone to keep everyone
entertained….besides Mommy.
Down: There isn’t a single one among my children that can answer a telephone, tie a
shoe, or fix a bowl of cereal. This means that I bear the load of getting at least five
people (hubby is, thankfully, self-sufficient) cleaned, changed, dressed, fed, and
ready to do anything. And with multiple children so young, we are always
battling the monsters of distraction, accidents, and lack of cooperation.
2) The “Help”
Up: I have a host of helpers at my disposal who enjoy running around the house
retrieving wipes, diapers, telephones, tissues, toys, and burp cloths much more
than I do. They also relish sorting laundry, unloading the dishwasher, cleaning
windows, taking out the recycling, and dusting the furniture.
Down: Unfortunately, these are not highly-capable, dependable helpers. They are the
“do-it-my-way, forget-to-ask-first, drop-my-brother, run-into-things-I-can’t-see-
because-I’m-under-four-feet-tall” kinds of helpers.
3) The Toybox
Up: We have never been, nor will we ever be, at a loss for what to play with in this
house. Before an older child can even outgrow a toy, a younger one has found
interest in it. There is nothing (yet) that an older child finds so valuable that it must
not be disrupted by a younger, well-meaning sibling. And there is nothing that a
younger child would like to do that is too far beneath an older one to play with.
Down: It is not a stretch of imagination at all to think that our home could be mistaken
for a small day-care facility. The playroom, three bedrooms, and the ill-fated
dining room (not to mention the garage) all house toys of various sizes and
age-levels. Because there is a younger child always growing into the toys an
older one has “outgrown,” there is never a toy turn-over: we just keep adding
more sophisticated toys without removing the old ones.
4) The Wardrobe
Up: This situation is very similar to the toy situation. With three boys born in five years,
we have more clothes than we could possibly need for all of them (or at least the
younger two). Rarely do I find myself thinking, “If only he had more t-shirts,” and if I
do, odds are there is a box I am forgetting somewhere in the house. On the off-
chance that I do find myself looking for clothing in the boys’ section, it is not
uncommon to find the very same pair of pants or shirt we already own still on the
racks. And the same can be said for the host of baby items: towels, bibs, burp
cloths, socks, nail clippers, etc. that one finds so draining on the wallet.
Down: I am drowning in slightly-stained, adorable children’s clothing in every existent
size up to 6/7. I have winter clothes, summer clothes, baby shoes, jackets, snow
pants, bathing suits, blankets, and hats- none of which can be sold or passed
along because there is always someone one size away. And it’s not just boys’
clothes…we also have the extraordinary lot given to the one-and-only girl (so far)
in our crew. They all sit (mostly) organized in bins in a storage closet intended for
much more than clothing. My husband and I laugh that-one day- we will have the
biggest tag sale ever to hit our town and make enough money to fund a second
honeymoon.
5) The Competition
Up: There is a very true and unwavering precept about siblings: they compete. And
when they are as close in age as my children are, they have many areas to
compete in. Beyond the usual “competition for attention” (which they seldom
engage in) there are competitions over getting to the top of the stairs, getting
dressed, eating a meal, riding a bike, learning to button/zip/snap, being able to
unlock and open doors, being able to push a stroller without bodily injury to fellow
pedestrians….the list goes on. All of this wrangling for position has actually
worked as a catalyst for accomplishing certain goals and objectives in the home.
Reward one for a job well done, and two others are quickly on board, as well.
Down: The flip side to the coin of competition is that not all children have the same
skills and strengths. My oldest, for example, is an extraordinary reader and
storyteller. His imagination and ability to construct worlds of play far surpasses his
siblings. However, his sister- nineteen months his junior- learned to ride a bike,
snap her fingers, and whistle long before he did (or will). All of her “premature”
success has left him feeling inferior and frustrated at times. Correspondingly, it is
not uncommon for my two-year-old to get upset as his older siblings shout from the
top of the stairs, “We beat you! You’re slower than us!” Evidently the short legs
count for very little.
6) The Unity
Up: The evening before my second child was to be born, I became very afraid that my
children would have the kind of contentious relationship that I had with my sister
growing up. My deepest desire was for them to love being together…at least most
of the time. I had no need for concern; my children all have a tremendous amount
of affection for each other and- once the youngest can walk- will be a true “band of
brothers” (with a leader/sister). I adore how they defend and protect each other
and sincerely love to be together daily.
Down: The downside to this unity is pretty much a matter of basic math: (4 kids < 7
years old+ 1 or 2 grand ideas) > 1 mommy.
7) The Childcare Factor
This particular point does’t have a true “up” and “down,” but rather a simple reality.
Until this fall, none of my children were old enough to be in school. Which
means that, if I had decided to return to working outside the home, I would have to find
childcare for four small children. It doesn’t take an economist to figure out that this
would be a far too costly prospect to make it worth the extra income. And merely
finding a babysitter for an evening out would cost much more than the date itself- and
that is assuming a provider comfortable with multiple young children could be found.
Even my husband feels overwhelmed by the task of caring for all four on his own,
should I run swiftly out the front door for a rare MNO. Consequently, there exists a
sense of imprisonment at times; there are few breaks and the adult world seems to be
passing by my PB&J smeared window. And most nights, my husband and I drop
heavily onto the sofa, gaze at each other through half-closed lids, and agree that we
both smell faintly of spit-up and school glue. Romance has never been so real.
The list of reasons that baby bunching is both treacherous and rewarding can stretch on and on. And for each individual family, the highs and lows are unique. No matter the circumstances, one thing is certain. As quickly as life has become harried and unyielding, my children will soon be grown and my house will again be virtually silent. So, rather than lament the trials, I marvel at the great treasure we have amassed in our sweet family.
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Hear what a pediatrician has to say about the pros and cons of “baby bunching”! Listen to PregTASTIC, Episode 226.
